Dreaming for two

Categories: Family, Random, Relationships

I remember my dreams more often than Brett does. And since my sleep has been wonky the last few months, I’m remembering even more. I’ve heard that bad dreams during pregnancy are common. It’s the subconscious’s way of working through anxiety about having to take care of a person soon. I think it’s also a common graduate school symptom as your subconscious tries to deal with the pressure and anxiety of finishing a dissertation. So my dreams have been exceptionally bizarre lately.

I’ve dreamed of a demented emotion monster making everyone feel bad (probably something similar to a Dementor from Harry Potter).

I’ve dreamed I was trying to figure out some baby clothes that had 119 snaps on them and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what they were all for (the dream was very specific on the number of snaps).

I’ve dreamed I was rolling giant hollow balls full of milk around several obstacles and the liquid motion of the milk was making them wobble (I find it fascinating that my subconscious chose to obey that law of physics) so it was hard to get them to roll straight, but the rolling was also making butter.

I’ve half fallen asleep in the middle of a bathroom trip in the middle of the night and had a very disturbing dream about Christmas decorations.

I had a dream that involved me being a Russian Jew, a Bolshevik soldier who liked to knit Russian soldier dolls wearing Gaucho pants, a huge walk-through shower, an inability to text message a witty comment to Brad Wilcox after seeing him when I passed through the Provo Tabernacle on my way to class, running late so deciding to skip my high school calculus class but going to my doctoral identity class afterwards, and not remembering if I fed the baby that day or not. Talk about random.

Two nights in a row right before I got pregnant I dreamed unidentifiable evil people were chasing me. But the second night I dreamed I was also surrounded by invisible beings helping and protecting me. I woke up that morning with 2 Kings 6:16 in my head – Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. I felt calm, that with everything going on around us, we weren’t alone. There were innumerable people who wanted us to succeed.

A few times I’ve had dreams about ex-boyfriends. I’ve read that is common during pregnancy and it’s supposed to be the subconscious’s way of dealing with anxiety related to the coming required level of commitment from your husband and wondering if you made the right choice. It makes me smile though when it happens because each time those guys are still just as unreliable and unsmart as they were when I knew them, if not more so.

My subconscious and my conscious mind agree – Brett was/is the right choice. I have no doubts about his level of commitment to me or our growing family. He’s a dream come true, the best kind of dream. </sappiness>

Phinally Phinished

Categories: Education, Happy Things

Some time around Labor Day in 1983 I became a formal student for the first time when I started kindergarten. I have been in the classroom for the last thirty years.

Friday my days as a formal student ended. Friday I was hooded and officially finished my doctoral degree. Friday my graduation to-do list and countdown looked like this:

And what a party it was too! I changed the “about me” on this site from “educator and graduate student” to “educator and PhD” as well (my dad had been waiting for that).

The college convocation was Friday morning. By chance I led in our department so they gave me the banner to carry in. My belly definitely gave extra shape to the graduation gown.

I had a card with my name on it, Lisa Marie Giles Dennis, and a pronunciation help underneath, Jiles, to help the person reading the names say them correctly. I saw that it would be my department head saying the names for our department and thought, “He’ll get it ri-, no, he’ll probably get it wrong.” You’d think since he’s known me for 5.5 years that wouldn’t be my thought. I was right. He read my name, wrong, and then read the pronunciation guide. He asked me after how many names I had now, still not realizing he’d read it wrong.

The university had asked me to write a little blurb they might display while I walked across. However, because we weren’t in order at all they didn’t show them. This is what I wrote anyway:

With great gratitude to my family for always providing a culture of learning in our home, and the love and support to go as far as I dream. I’m so lucky. Here’s to the next grand adventure!

My adviser, Dr. Jessica Summers hooded me, a wonderful moment for us both. She was an amazing support and help through the whole thing. And then we stood there while the department head finished reading my apparently very long dissertation title.

Afterwards it was photos with friends…

And family…

Getting a few shots around campus…

Having fun with Brett…


And, of course, wearing my hood as a hood.

Saturday morning was the doctoral commencement. I am very glad we went to that (and didn’t have to go to the undergraduate/masters commencement the night before, which apparently had a concert atmosphere, highly inappropriate I think). The speaker was excellent, short without being overly pedantic, and had some good words to say about excellence as well. And this time they said my name correctly as I walked across the stage. When I shook hands with the university president she said, “Congratulations, on two counts I see.”

The president asked us all to stand as she conferred all the rights, honors, and privileges associated with a doctoral degree. And I had to wipe my eyes. This is something I have wanted on some level for a very long time. And I did it. I earned a Ph.D.

Now I get to start on my next adventure, something I’ve wanted for even longer.

My First Mother’s Day

Categories: Family

Is this my first Mother’s Day? I still don’t technically have a child. She’s moving around a lot and is already displaying her personality. But we haven’t actually met her yet. Would next year be my first Mother’s Day? By then she will have been born and we’ll be holding her and getting to know her even better. What about last year when I spent the day on our couch because that morning we’d gone in to the doctor for our fourth IVF transfer and come home with two five-day old blastocysts inside me and I wanted to do everything I could to take care of them? I felt like a mother that day. Was I mother that day even though neither of them implanted and grew to become a baby?

Brett has honored me on Mother’s Day since we were first married. That first year he got me PHP 5 For Dummies because he knows I much I love tinkering with the blog code and I got him the audio Greek New Testament for Father’s Day because I know how much he loves studying the Bible. We weren’t parents in the technical sense, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t celebrate the potential and dreams we both had.

My first Mother’s Day will not be the one where I’m holding a child because Brett has always honored me as a mother. I’m sure it will feel different this year than it has in past years. And I’m sure that next year will be different yet again.

Motherhood comes in many forms, some of them more easily recognized than others. I hope all mothers, of all types, feel loved and cherished today.

Edit: This is going to be a great project about what defines motherhood – The R House: What is Motherhood?

Women and education

Categories: Education, Questions

About mid-way through my masters degree I realized I became a teacher not because I like to teach (although I have a heck of a lot of fun doing that), but because I love to learn. At that point I was taking two classes, a masters level class on teaching theory, and a doctoral level class on learning theory. And the learning theory fascinated me. So much so that when I was picking a field for my doctorate I picked learning theory (with a minor in teacher prep.).

There are few things more valuable to me in this life than my education (my faith and my family taking the #1 and #2 spots).

I know what my purpose has been for my education, I have definite (yet flexible) plans for what I’ve learned. But what I’m wondering is, what does you think is the purpose of education? Why did you study what you did for as long as you did? What is the purpose of learning? Is the purpose different if you are male or female?

And I’m not limiting education and learning to formal classwork either. There are many ways to learn – trade schools, colleges, community education classes (belly dancing!), libraries, etc.

What do you think is the purpose of education in our culture? What is the purpose of education in your life?

Lint Llamas & Backyard Adventures

Categories: Life

Last week I had fun in our backyard. I love that I got a backyard to garden in and play around with and hang bird feeders in out of this marriage deal. I trimmed our tree so now you don’t have to duck at any place when you walk under it (although if you watch me walk around it for the next few weeks or so you’ll probably be able to tell where you had to duck because I’ll still be ducking). Honestly, I only meant to cut off the dead branches.

Menacing silhouette with a saw The lumber pile

I borrowed a leaf blower from a friend and blew the yard for the first time in 5+ years. OH MY GOODNESS!! There were a lot of little teeny tiny leaves in our yard – an inch of so thick across the entire patio when I got it to that point. (The tree I trimmed has little teeny tiny leaves). Apparently you should blow your yard more than once every 5 years. There were enough leaves to completely fill our trash can. I have to wait till garbage day before I can do the front yard. Maybe Brett will get me a leaf blower for my birthday because that was honestly a lot of fun. Thank goodness for the ear plugs I thought to get or I’d still be getting dust out of my ears.

The leaf pile

This week we’re playing around inside the house – cleaning carpets and playing musical beds. (We also painted a bedroom the last two weeks, but more on that later).

When we got married Brett had a twin bed and I had a queen. We moved the queen into the master bedroom and the twin into bedroom #2. Bedroom #1 was used for storage. Last month I cleaned out bedroom #1 (it was all my stuff being stored in there). On Saturday we borrowed a carpet cleaner from another friend and cleaned the carpet in bedroom #1. That evening after it dried we moved the twin into there.

Friday night we went and bought a king-sized bed. Bed shopping is actually a rather fun married person date. We spent over an hour laying on different beds and talking. We started feeling a bit like Goldilocks trying to find the one that was “just right” and started wondering if the sales lady wasn’t just messing with us and they were all the exact same. It was a lot like when you go to the eye doctor for glasses and they put that thing up to your face and ask you which is better, one or two, one or two, one or three, one or three, three or four, three or four, until you are pretty sure you have no idea what you are talking about any more and are afraid you’re going to end up with the wrong prescription because you can’t tell the difference!!

Anyway. We bought a bed. And it was delivered this morning. We got up super early this morning and moved the queen into the family room (for now) so we could get the carpets in our room cleaned before the new bed got here. The queen will eventually be moved into bedroom #2 but we have to clean that one out and clean that carpet first.

Moving all this seldom moved furniture, combined with the fact that the last time we cleaned the carpets was in September 2009, we’ve come across a lot of dust, and the carpets have produced a lot of lint. We definitely have more than dust bunnies going on here. I was trying to think of a larger fluffy animal to illustrate to Brett how much dust/lint there was and llamas came to mind. So we have dust/lint llamas in our house. Maybe you’re supposed to clean the carpets more than every 3.5+ years too.

Lint Llamas

This is apparently what a person does after finishing a dissertation.

And here’s a photo of a hummingbird taking flight from a branch of our tree and a swarm of bees that took up residence in our yard last Monday before moving on, just for fun. It’s always an adventure in our back yard.

A hummingbird taking flight A harmless swarm of bees

Today I will…

Categories: Happy Things

My plans today involve:
– A sun hat
– Ear plugs
– Wearing a bandana like a bandit
– Work gloves
– A leaf blower!!!

And then when it gets too hot I’m going to sew curtains. 🙂

Monday’s plans should’ve included the sun hat but did involve the work gloves and a reciprocating saw.

Check back later for photos!

Some days the awesome-ness of my life amazes me.

What’s going on in your life today?

Not giving up on our dreams

Categories: Family, Infertility

It is interesting to me to read on the internet about the plans women make to tell their husband they are pregnant. The special dinners they plan, the presents they buy, the subtle hints they leave. That was a world I would never be a part of. Those were dreams I would never have. But that dream was not important.

Even before we started working with our fertility doctor, Brett knew enough about my body and my cycle to know the day we would know if I was pregnant or not (both of us kind of thrive on knowledge, the fact that I can have a graph on a spreadsheet keeping track of my hormones really appeals to both of us). And when we did start seeing our reproductive endocrinologist, Brett knew exactly when my different appointments were.

We knew we wanted children. That was a given. There was never any question. Both of us dreamed of parenthood. While I could never surprise Brett with a pregnancy announcement, when we started treatments I refused to not be the first person to know I was pregnant. There are some things that you should know before a lab tech knows, and I think pregnancy is one of them (cholesterol levels maybe not so much). That was a dream I held on to. And those early morning hours when the two of us were the only two people who knew, those were priceless.

We’ve had many dreams over the last three years waiting for this little girl. And while they have been modified many times, the important thing was we did not give up on them, even when the skies got rough.

I first recall hearing this song last May. I was standing at the reception desk of our RE after an appointment waiting to set up my next appointment. For me it captured this road to our dream. I have learned so much about myself, our relationship, my God, and what it truly means to not give up on your dreams. This is my song for our daughter (Brett has picked a different song for the two of them).

This dream has come so far to be here right now. She’s already taught me so much about who I am. It doesn’t matter how rough the skies get when the dreams really matter.