Not for their ears only

Categories: Family

There’s something about having a baby or small child with you that seems to give most people the impression they have the right, or even duty, to say or do stupid things. How many strangers’ heads would you rub or feet would you grab? Exactly. So why do strangers feel it’s okay to rub a baby’s head or grab their feet? Let’s think about this for a minute.

And then if you happen to have two babies (or from what I hear, three or four), then even more people feel it is their duty to remove their mouth filter and just say whatever happens to come to mind.

Thankfully most of the weird people say the same crazy things so by this point, over a year-and-a-half in to having twins, and having heard the stories of other moms before they were born so I could prepare myself, I’ve got some pretty standard answers to their pretty standard crazy.

But my replies aren’t just to help the stranger reattach their mouth filter. My replies are also in large part for the benefit of my kids, who also have to hear these crazy comments and who pick up on them.

One comment I hear a lot is “double trouble!” by some person thinking they are being clever or funny. I definitely don’t want my kids thinking they are trouble of any kind so I always reply to that one with “Nope. Double the fun!”

Another one I hear a lot is “you must have your hands full.” Now that one can seem innocent enough. Until you are trying to explain to your 3-year-old what “hands full” means because she’s heard it so often. How would you explain it? I told her it means you’re busy and have a lot to do and have a hard time doing it. Isn’t that what you think of when you hear the phrase? Would you want your kids thinking you have a hard time being their mom? Now there are moments where it’s hard, definitely, but I do not want them thinking that’s the status quo. Because I baby wear, I’ve had a lot of fun replying to this one most frequently by holding up my empty hands and saying, “Nope, hands free!” And even now that the two little ones are walking everywhere I’m still mostly hands-free. In fact, with their pack-packs, Shimri is often carrying my wallet and keys for me and Shimei is carrying the diapers so I’ve just got my phone in my back pocket. So still, hands-free!

Look kids! No hands! Ready to go!
Note: I’ve only ever actually worn all three kids once, for this photo.

Hopefully my replies help the stranger think about what they are saying and maybe filter a little better in the future. Thankfully I haven’t had anyone say “I’d kill myself if I had twins” (seriously! who says that? because I’ve heard stories) or “Better you than me” (to which the reply will be “we think so too”), but I hope my kids always only hear me talk about them in the best of terms. They’ll live up to what we expect of them and I expect a lot of fun and adventures, so that’s what I tell others we do when I know my kids can hear.

I love to see the temple

Categories: Gospel

Brett and I have attended the temple together every month (except the month right after Shimri and Shimei were born when he represented our family alone) since before we were married. As it takes us two hours each way to get to the temple, the whole family goes and it’s a whole day trip and we always come home with doughnuts. We are blessed to have friends and family near the temple who help us watch our kids so we can serve in the temple.

And then I realized we kept telling Iddo we were going to the temple, and she loved going and getting the doughnuts and playing with our friends, but she wasn’t even seeing the temple. And that wasn’t right.

In July of last year during a Relief Society lesson on temples a friend talked about how she would take her children into the foyer of the temples because you don’t need a recommend to go there. When we stopped at the Gilbert temple on our way home in September last year so Iddo could see the Angel Moroni on the top (she has a thing for Angel Moroni), I remembered that comment and took her inside to sit down for a few minutes. It was only a few minutes (she wasn’t even 2.5 at the time). But she sat quietly. Looked around. And I could tell she felt the difference.

Since then we’ve made it a regular part of our monthly trips to take her back to the temple after we pick the kids up and we take turns going into the foyer with her. This July as we left dinner after serving in the temple she said, “Let’s go get doughnuts and then take me to the temple. I don’t want to miss going to the temple.”

I don't want to miss going to the temple.

As Shimri and Shimei get bigger we’re letting them explore the temple grounds right now. Soon we’ll let them sit in the foyer for a bit too.

Soon we’ll have a temple we can serve in here in Tucson. After the ground breaking for the Tucson temple we’ve tried going up regularly to watch the progress. What started as going to see the “temple hole” has turned into a beautiful building. We’ve truly enjoyed taking Iddo to watch as she already has a special understanding of the sacred nature of temples.

Watching it get big Looking to the future.
I love to see the temple

Plans

Categories: Happy Things, Life

When I was 15 I made a plan for my life. I was going to go on a date with J and it was going to be great. After graduating high school I was going to attend BYU and get a degree in elementary education. I would serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and thought England would be a great place to go although I knew that I wouldn’t get to pick where I served. I’d get home and get married on February 2, 2002, at 2pm because that is the coolest date ever. And then I’d have kids and be a mom. The end.

And then my life actually happened.

I did go on a date with J. It was nothing special and even as it ended I thought to myself that I could’ve skipped out on that and not missed anything in life. I did go to BYU and got a degree in elementary education, with a minor in computer science (my minor wasn’t part of my 15-year-old plan). I did serve a mission for the LDS church and went to Brasil. I ended up student teaching in Mexico (not part of the original plan). February 2, 2002, came and went and I wasn’t even dating anyone.

The list of things that have happened so far that I couldn’t even begin to imagine at 15 is a rather wonderful list. It involves graduate degrees, belly dancing, community theater, getting married on maybe not the coolest date ever but instead on the most absolute perfect date ever to someone I couldn’t have even dreamed of at 15. It involves struggle and pain, sorrow and joy. And yes, it did eventually involve having kids (twins never would’ve been in my 15-year-old plan, I wasn’t that crazy).

But that hasn’t been the end yet. And thank goodness for that.

I still have plans for the future, but there’s not really a time line to it any more. And I’m much more open to all the different things that will come up along the way. In fact, I’m looking forward to all the ways my plans will go awry.

Teaching the little ones

Categories: Books, Education, With the Kiddos

I remember when this Luvs commercial came out and I couldn’t believe there would be moms who would actually think flash cards were an appropriate way to interact with babies and toddlers. I thought for sure this was some stretch of the truth they did to make the commercial funny.

And then we had Iddo and I found myself in online communities of moms who were asking for flash card recommendations and comparing tricks to get toddlers to sit still and pay attention to the flash cards. Apparently this craziness was an actual reality.

In true mom fashion these women were making teaching their kids harder than it needed to be and piling the guilt on themselves when reality didn’t match their fantasy.

Teaching kids is definitely important and needs to start as soon as birth (and does, whether you realize it or not), but it does not need to be complicated. In my professional opinion, and I went to school long enough to have a professional opinion on this, teaching kids is really quite simple.

Read to them every day. If it’s a book that’s 1 minute long, great. If you’re reading a longer book out loud while they run around, perfect. And let them see you interact with physical books too.

Sing to them. The rhythm and rhymes help them learn new words quickly.

Talk to them. Narrate your day. Describe what you’re seeing and doing. Ask them what they’re seeing and doing, even if they don’t have the ability to answer back yet.

Draw, color, scribble, paint with them. Until Iddo had the mental ability to understand when we told her to only color on coloring pages her crayons were something I controlled, but they came out regularly.

Play with them. Run. Jump. Climb. Spin. Build block towers and knock them down. Nobody, even adults, is meant to sit still for long. Little kids need to be moving and exploring and discovering. Someone will make them sit still for longer than they want to some day. For now, let them move.

That’s it. No flash cards required. A library card definitely comes in handy, but it doesn’t take any special skills, schedules, or big plans to teach children. The reading, singing, talking, playing, and even the coloring to some extent, all happen as they naturally come up during the day.

So put the flash cards down and stop it with the unnecessary guilt and stress. You’ve got this.

Thank you

Categories: Musings

As we’ve been teaching our kids manners it’s dawned on us that while we can withhold things until they say “please,” we have no power to make them say “thank you” after. Shimri flat out refused to say “please” when we first started working on that even though she loves the watermelon we were offering. It wasn’t until a few days later when she realized she wasn’t going to be getting any potato chips we were offering if she didn’t say it (sign it) that she finally relented. We often have to pause when our kids make a request but they’re real quick to say please.

Teaching them to say “thank you” though is a whole different thing. They already have what they want so we can’t hold that over them till they say it. So far the only way we’ve been able to teach them is through example. We say thank you to each other whenever the other does something. We say thank you to them when they do stuff or us. Saying thank you does not come as a natural part of us. It’s something we must learn. And I’m learning that it’s something we learn through observation.

A true thank you cannot be coerced out of us. It cannot be forced. It has to be freely given. And it has to be given with knowledge of what it means. I think that may be why gratitude is a form of love.

Making where I am home

Categories: Life

I just realized that as of next month I will have lived in Tucson longer then I have lived in any other city – 8 years and 11 months. That’s how long I lived in the Salt Lake City area when I was a kid. And that’s why when people ask where I’m from my first response is “heaven.”

When people ask where I’m from I’m not sure if they’re asking where I live now (Tucson), where I was born (Salt Lake City), or where I grew up (do I say Salt Lake where I lived till I was almost 9, Santa Fe where I lived after that, or El Paso where I lived while I went to middle school and high school?). And it’s definitely not where my parents live, they’ve moved four times since I graduated high school. It’s a much more complicated question then the average person asking understands. So “heaven” is the best answer.

But wherever I am, it’s home. I’m from heaven and my home (currently) is Earth. While I think it would be an adventure to live in other places I am also very happy to live where I’m at, to have the chance to settle and explore this small corner of the world. Home is what we make of it and I choose to be happy and enjoy where I am. Especially because this is where my family is, where my husband and children live. People have also asked if Brett and I have family in the area and that’s why we moved here (separately). Neither of us had family here at the time, but we do now because we have each other.

This is my home. And there’s no place else I’d rather be.

A Taste of Home

Categories: Folks, Food

The year and a half I lived in Brasil I learned that around lunch time every day you could smell the same flavors coming from each home. It didn’t so much matter what you were cooking, you always started by sautéing diced garlic and onions in olive oil. If you stop by my place around dinner time you’ll most likely get a whiff of garlic and onion sautéing in olive oil. It’s how we start cooking most things at our home.

My family all went back to Santa Fe two years ago, bringing our spouses and the next generation to show them where we’d lived as children. It included a stop at Tomasitas for real sopapillas. If you’ve never had a sopapilla there you do not know what a real sopapilla is. It’s part of my childhood. Which makes it part of me now.

My grandma grew up on a sheep ranch. It was her job to make the bread for all the ranch hands and the family. One day she thought she’d killed the yeast, the dough wasn’t going to work. And she’d wasted all the ingredients. Rather than admit the waste she took the dough and buried it in the yard and went back and made more bread. Later that day the goats were acting strange in the yard. Grandma hadn’t killed the yeast. And it had grown in the yard. And now the goats were stuck. My grandma lives on in my kitchen when I make bread and wonder if I’m going to kill the yeast.

My husband grew up eating waffles for Sunday lunch every week in his home. I grew up eating tomato soup with pasta letters as a favorite lunch. Now they are both part of our home and our children will grow up having waffles for Sunday lunch and letter soup for Sunday dinner.

When I want make scones I make them how my mom made them. A small amount of bread dough pulled flat and deep fried. Then covered in jam or honey.

The food we eat defines who we are, where we came from, where we’ve been, and what our cultural heritage is. How I cook dinner and what I cook tells you about me.

Aside from learning the joys of non-processed foods when I was in Brazil, I also learned the phrase, “você faz parte da casa,” which means “you are part of our home.”

We invite many people to our homes as guests. They are welcomed into some kind of front room where there’s a nice sofa to sit on and the floor has probably been swept or vacuumed before they arrived and the clutter was stashed elsewhere. They might even be provided with some type of food or drink refreshment. But that doesn’t make them part of the home.

To invite someone into your kitchen is to invite them into your family. To invite someone into your kitchen is to invite them into the messy heart of your home, to show them your true self, and to let them be a part of it.

We might share bread together as friends, but making it together, getting flour on our shirts together, and dough under our nails, that makes us family, that makes you part of my home.