Random Giggles | Page 165

Hoje com pecados, eu o entristeci

9 November 2008, 11:49 pm by Giggles

Categories: Family, Relationships

Today with sins, I saddened.

Yesterday I wrote that a peaceful night’s sleep “means saying what needed to be said. There have been many nights where that has been my reason for writing my journal before going to sleep.”

In my weird head, I have often thought, “if I died in my sleep tonight, what would my last words have been? Would the people I love know it? Would people know what I felt? Would they know what I believed?”

There are two quotes that, for some reason in my head, I thought were the same thing. But they aren’t. Yet they both get at this idea.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those ‘It might have been.’
– John Greenleaf Whittier

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
– Harriet Beecher Stowe

There has also been a song recently by John Mayer that makes me feel just a tinge of guilt every time I hear it. It’s called “Say” (lyrics).

There are words that are truly better left unspoken. And I have held my tongue on many occasions. I think everyone has been the better for it. Not everything needs to be said. And I haven’t looked back and regretted those words that I didn’t say because they would’ve been said in haste or anger without any thought.

But the things that should be said, am I saying those? Have I said what I needed to say? For the most part I think I have. But there are a few things that I have held back on for one reason or another. I think the main reason is fear how the other person might take what I say, fear that is probably only in my head. But that fear is making me miss moments I could’ve enjoyed. I need to not let words unspoken sadden me.

Whatever may come, I hope the people I love know I love them. I want that to never be something I have left unsaid. I need to say it more often, I know that.

1 Shared thought

Vou dormir em paz

8 November 2008, 10:14 pm by Giggles

Categories: Life, Quilting/Sewing/Knitting/Crafting

I will sleep in peace.

Last night I pulled out a blanket to put on my bed. It’s still getting warm during the day, but being a desert, it cools off real fast at night. Down in the 40s even! (I can see my dad laughing at me right now.) So I pulled out my patch quilt.

It’s a real heavy quilt. It’s the first one I kind of sort of pieced. My mom and I cut up her scrap sweat material into a bunch of squares and sewed them all together. We used a high loft batting and then used a fuschia sweat material on the back. It’s the most miss matched fabric colors ever. We tied it with white yarn. Then, we took all the patches I’d collected over the years and sewed them on the squares. I’m still adding new patches as I get them. But between the fabric and the batting, it’s quite the hefty quilt. And I love it. I love sleeping under a whole bunch of weighty blankets. I’ll get out my down comforter in a few more weeks and that will just add even more weight. There’s something secure about feeling that on you when you sleep.

I also have to have my pillows with me when I sleep. Not exactly necessarily my pillows, just pillows in the right places. I have an extremely firm pillow made of a piece of black and white fake fur that I put in the middle of my bed and I put my back to it. I also have a body pillow I hold in front of me. Then I can sleep soundly. Even when I’m in a hotel I put one pillow behind me and one in front of me.

But there is more to sleeping soundly than just heavy blankets and good pillows.

A peaceful night’s sleep also involves knowing I did everything I absolutely needed to do that day. It involves knowing I did the best I could at what I did. It means leaving no regrets from the day. It means saying what needed to be said (more on that tomorrow). There have been many nights where that has been my reason for writing my journal before going to sleep.

Mostly, it means laying down with a clear mind, a clear conscious, and a clear heart. With a peaceful mind and a peaceful heart, you can truly sleep in peace.

And with that, it is time to sleep.

Share your thoughts

Já não temo a noite

7 November 2008, 8:04 pm by Giggles

Categories: Family, Random, Relationships

I don’t fear the night.

After yesterday’s list of things that make me feel safe, today a list of things I fear.

#1 – Moths – They will get me. I know they will. I cannot stand near lights at night because that’s where the moths are. I cannot be in the same room with a moth. They fly drunk and they will fly right at me and get their nasty dust all over me. My heart races and I look for any possible escape if there is a moth near me. They are ugly. I’m absolutely terrified of moths.

#2 – Putting my head underwater – I had frequent nose bleeds growing up, still do, just not as frequent. Seemed like every time I put my head underwater to go swimming when I was little, my nose would start to bleed. I’m not afraid of nose bleeds, they just annoy me, so I try to avoid them.

#3 – The dark – My fear of the dark is not the same as it was when I was little. When I was little if I got out of bed at night, I’d kind of jump out so anything under the bed couldn’t reach out an arm and grab my foot. I’d jump back in as well. I also slept with my back to the wall so I’d be able to see anything in the dark that was coming to get me. Now it’s more that I’m afraid of the mean evil bad people that are in the dark. I don’t like them.

#4 – Being alone – It’s not being alone physically that I fear, it’s being alone in life. I fear that nobody cares about me and you’ll read about my death in the newspaper because it will be another one of those stories where the person dies and three weeks later somebody noticed a funny smell so they break open the door and find them. I wonder why some people like me. Is it because of me or because of something else? Would they miss me if I was gone? If something happened to me, would anyone care? If I were disabled would people still treat me the same or would they think I was different and not care the same? I fear that people tolerate me and are secretly annoyed at me and don’t want me around. I also have a highly active imagination that can kick in to over drive every now and then, especially at night when it’s dark. I am especially afraid I’ll be alone when I die. My parents were there when I entered this world (hi Mom and Dad!). I hope someone will be there when I leave.

Now the first two could possibly be described as irrational fears. But I have my reasons gosh darn it! They are not irrational! The last two, they are probably just different manifestations of a fear of the unknown. Which is why I like knowing things. Knowledge really is a comfort.

4 Shared thoughts

Proteção me traz

6 November 2008, 8:50 pm by Giggles

Categories: Education, Family, Gospel, Relationships

Bring me protection.

Last night I was thinking a bit about security and all of the things that make me feel safe. I didn’t think of things like bars on my windows or dead bolt locks on my door. That’s just one small kind of safety. I was thinking about things that make me feel safe in life as a whole. So today, a list of some of those.

I was also feeling very safe last night too, and so that influenced my list just a little bit too.42D

Math – Math makes me feel secure when I can add up all the numbers and know that I’ll be able to pay all my bills, eat, drive when I need to, and not be out of money at the end of the month. Balancing my check book is actually quite soothing to me because it reminds me that I’m not completely poor and horribly in debt and I’m not going to starve and be homeless. (I balanced my check book today, if you couldn’t tell.)

Trust – When I can trust the people around me to respect me and to not harm me, that makes me feel secure. There is a lot people can do that is bad to other people. But when I am with someone and I can trust them to be good, that is a very good feeling.

Knowledge – Knowledge really is power. The more I know about what is around me, about what is going on, the more I can explain a situation, the better I feel about that situation. It’s the unknown with it’s infinite possibilities that can be scary. So the more I learn, the more education I get and the more critical thinking skills I develop, the more secure I am.

Faith – Faith in eternal principles. Really, if you have that, you don’t need much else. They are always there. They do not change. You can know them. You can trust in them. They include all that is good and beautiful and right in the world.

With Nephi I can say:

… Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time. And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them. … O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. (2 Nephi 4:19-25; 34-35)

One of my favorite scriptural phrases is “in the strength of the Lord” (Exodus 13:3, 14, 16; Psalms 71:16; Micah 5:4; 1 Nephi 4:31; Words of Mormon 1:14; Mosiah 9:17, 10:10-11; Alma 20:4, 46:20, 60:16, 61:18; 3 Nephi 4:10).

I trust in that strength. I know of times in my life when that strength has upheld me. And I have faith in that strength. Strength such as that is strength that makes you feel safe.

2 Shared thoughts

O Senhor bendito

5 November 2008, 11:51 pm by Giggles

Categories: Family, Gospel, Musings

O blessed Lord.

Blessed.

Joy. Happiness. Glad.

My life truly is blessed.

Autumn is a time of harvest. I time to gather what was sown in the Spring. To gather the fruitful blessings we all have.

It is interesting to look on the harvests I have already gathered in my life from seeds that were some times planted years ago and are just now bearing fruit. Other seeds were planted recently and have already produced bountifully. And there are always those seeds that I did not plant, but that were planted for me by others, by my family, by friends, by people I’ve never known, and by a loving Father, and yet I am the one who enjoys the fruit.

Within each fruit, however is the seeds for the next season. And so I am still planting. And some of the seeds I plant will give fruit soon, some not for many years, and some fruit will be enjoyed by others and bless their lives.

My brother once told me, you can count the seeds in the apple, but you can’t count the apples in the seed.

I think one of the tricks, is to look at both the fruit, as well as the seed and all the work it took to make it grow, as blessings. When you can get that perspective, you will feel even more blessed, and have more reasons to rejoice. Things don’t seem like quite the trials when you know the fruit that awaits.

Share your thoughts

Cobrem já o céu

4 November 2008, 10:51 am by Giggles

Categories: Politics

Already cover the heavens.

I just got back from voting. I had thought about going first thing this morning to avoid the lines, but I’m not exactly a morning person. I got there about a quarter after 10. Which was perfect. They said they had a huge line first thing in the morning, all the people voting before work. And I got there before all the people trying to do it on their lunch break too. The longest part of voting was filling in all the stupid little circles. That took twice as long as actually getting my ballot.

But I filled in all the circles. I did my part. My vote has been counted.

Tonight I’ll watch the results and pray that heaven continues to cover this nation with its blessings.