Bashing the bashers

15 May 2012, 2:01 pm by Giggles
Categories: Family, Relationships, Venting

Humans are social creatures. We like the support of a community. And with the internet, our supportive community does not necessarily have to live within close physical proximity. At different times I’ve participated in different on-line forums for different topics and been part of a community that way. But towards the end of last year I got really fed up with a certain aspect of some online communities and I haven’t participated since. Instead of providing support, they were annoying in their negativity, not for other people on the forum, but for people who weren’t. I really can’t stand husband bashing – online or off.

Shouldn’t the family, the marriage, be the one sure safe place in this world? It isn’t really that safe if you have to worry about what your spouse is saying about you when you aren’t there. If a woman says her husband is an idiot, think about what that means about her. Was it stupid of him to fall for her? Would someone smarter not have married her?

Yes, there are bad marriages of abuse and neglect in many forms. And in that case, get out! But the women I hear bashing their husbands never seem to be in those kinds of marriages. Their husbands aren’t mean or cruel, they’re just “idiots.” They had a moment of brain stoppage and now their wives are publishing it to all the world and holding it against them for all time, forgetting forever all the dumb things they themselves have done in their lives, things their husbands most likely are not sitting around with other guys complaining about. Or their husband didn’t read their mind and do what they wanted them to do. Husbands aren’t brain readers any more than wives are. If she wants or expects her husband to know something, like what she wants or needs or is thinking, perhaps she should try telling him.

Marriages have rough spots. But those should be worked out within the marriage, not at a gab session over scones and hot chocolate, real or virtual.

Being human, you may someday have differences of opinion resulting even in little quarrels. Neither of you will be so unfaithful to the other as to go back to your parents or friends and discuss with them your little differences. That would be gross disloyalty. Your intimate life is your own and must not be shared with or confided in others. You will not go back to your people for sympathy, but will thresh out your own difficulties.
– President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage (1978), 25.

This post has been kind of negative. And I recognize the irony of that. So I’ll end on a positive note. Here’s some great advice “For Newlyweds and Their Parents” and everyone else who is married. My husband’s name is forever safe with me. Perhaps that’s just because he’s real awesome.

6 Shared thoughts

A Mother

13 May 2012, 3:28 pm by Giggles
Categories: Family, Gospel

Last month I asked several mothers I admire what they thought the important qualities of a mother were. The lists I got back were wonderful, and overlapped in a lot of ways. I grouped the qualities they gave me in four categories.

Spiritual Qualities

  • Knowledge that we are all children of God
  • Listen to and follow the Spirit
  • Humility – accepting that you’ll make mistakes and being willing to change; accepting that you and life are less than perfect
  • Patience (mentioned by almost everyone)
  • Quietness
  • Strong testimony of Jesus Christ

Love – This was expressed in several different ways.

  • Caring – doing anything you can to meet your family’s needs
  • Charity
  • Love – unconditional for each child
  • Self-sacrifice – willingness to put your family’s needs before your own
  • Strive for their success

Family Life

  • Proper discipline
  • Provide a proper environment
  • Temple marriage & husband

Personal Qualities

  • Confidence
  • Connectedness
  • Creativity
  • Education
  • Humor
  • Inquisitive

Interestingly, not a single person specifically listed children as a necessity for motherhood. The qualities these mothers listed are qualities all of us can strive to develop, no matter where we find ourselves in life.

About two weeks ago I got another, unsolicited, list of motherly qualities. This list paralleled the previous list I had already compiled, and again, does not mention giving birth or having children.

  • know how to seek and obey revelation, and if you’ve got that, you can be the best mom.
  • know how to prioritize, balance and multitask.
  • know how to cook, clean, and live a healthy life-style.
  • have the education to enrich your natural mothering talents.
  • understand patience and waiting on God’s will.
  • a heart that cherishes new life.
  • never take for granted the blessing that a child is.
  • a fantastic husband with as much parenting talent and desire as you.

“Eve was given the identity of “the mother of all living”—years, decades, perhaps centuries before she ever bore a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity, just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those rich words—with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all costs, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children.”
– Patricia Holland, One Thing Needful: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ

Happy Mother’s Day to all who possess and are developing motherly qualities.

2 Shared thoughts

Too many books, too little time

11 May 2012, 7:14 am by Giggles
Categories: Books

When people find out I’m a reader they almost instantly want to suggest whatever book it is they’ve just fallen in love with and insist that I read it. I understand the feeling. If you ask me for a book suggestion I’ll pull out five from my sleeve without even thinking about it. If you give me a few more minutes I’ll pull up twenty more you’d be daft not to check out.

I know my reading time is limited, so I’m not even going to try to read it all.

Interestingly, people throughout history have always felt there was far too much to read and too little time to do it in, as well as worrying about loosing what knowledge they did have. If people 500 years ago thought there was too much knowledge to learn in one life time, what might they think of the amount available today?

How do you decide what is worth your reading time? What things will you go out of your way to make time to read? How do you find the time to read?

2 Shared thoughts

I’ll keep my books, thank you

10 May 2012, 8:06 am by Giggles
Categories: Books, Science & Tech

I like my books. I like the feel, the smell, the weight, the texture. Last summer I read a pretty good list about why e-books just aren’t quite there yet in taking over. And I agree with all of it.

The lack of marginalia is bigger than just arguing with the author. One of the books I read for my alphabet challenge was a book my grandma had owned and read, and marked. She and I had a conversation with Helen Keller. Can you hand down e-books to your descendents?

A neighbor has borrowed several books from me lately. I love sharing books I love. Can you loan out your e-book version of the Artemis Fowl series to the neighbor kid? Do you get to use the hand written thank you card he writes when he returned the last series as a bookmark?

If you give an e-book about near death experiences to someone for their birthday can you write a note in the front cover about how they better not have any kind of death experience, near or otherwise, in the near future the way you can with a print book?

Can you meet an author at a train stop and have them sign your copy of their e-book?

Can you open up and spread five e-books across your kitchen table and examine the differences in what they say all at once?

I remember several Star Trek episodes where print books were highly valued because of how rare they were. I’m not saying I’ll never have some kind of electronic book. But for right now, I have far too many reasons to keep my physical books.

5 Shared thoughts

A girl who reads

9 May 2012, 9:55 am by Giggles
Categories: Books, Relationships

A year or so ago I ran across an essay about why you should date a girl who reads by Rosemarie Urquico. You’d have to ask Brett, but I’m pretty sure he’d agree that dating a girl who reads was better than dating ones who didn’t. In fact, we’ve had a few conversations along those very lines. Even better, I dated a boy who reads and it’s been great.

We have conversations about what we’ve read recently. We make regularly trips to the bookstore. We both have a list of books we want to own long enough to keep anyone needing gift ideas set for years. And when I say I want to cover two walls of our house with bookshelves and include a library ladder, he doesn’t ask why, he only asks how.

We have very different reading styles. We have different tastes in books. But we both love to read.

Being with people who read adds another level of interest to the conversation.

What have you read lately? Are you a bookworm? What do you think of other bookworms?

4 Shared thoughts

Book Spine Poetry

8 May 2012, 9:28 am by Giggles
Categories: Books, Challenges

I just discovered Book Spine Poetry (writing a poem using book titles by stacking the books and taking a picture). And I just had to try it.

First I stacked up all the books I’ve checked out for my research. There was not much poetry there even if I were to rearrange them. Rather uninspiring, poetically speaking.

The children’s bookcase proved a better source.


When You Reach Me
A Wind in the Door
Flipped
The Wizard’s Map
Where the Sidewalk Ends

And then I had some fun with one of our adult bookcases.


God Wants a Powerful People
Standing for Something
Stand ye in Holy Places
Notwithstanding My Weakness


Remember
What Happens When We Die
That We Might Have Joy

Imagine writing an epic poem at Bookmans! I could easily get carried away with this idea. Brett told me I shouldn’t.

What kind of book spine poetry do you have sitting on your shelf? Just list the titles if you don’t have a picture.

6 Shared thoughts

I’ve read a lot of books

7 May 2012, 8:22 am by Giggles
Categories: Books

In 2008 I challenged myself (and anyone else who wanted to), to read 52 books. That averages to 1 book every week. There were some weeks where I read more than one and other weeks where I didn’t finish any. by the end of the year I’d finished 54 books and was looking for a new challenge.

Amanda suggested a non-fiction challenge, 26 books, one topic for each letter of the alphabet, in alphabetical order. I know I read non-fiction slower than I read fiction, but I figured that was definitely a doable challenge. That was back at the start of 2009. And then life happened and it took a lot longer than I thought it would at the start. However on April 10th of this year I finally finished my Z book.

It took a long time, but I really enjoyed it. My Grandpa Nelson only read non-fiction. He said there were too many things for him to learn to waste his time reading fiction. I don’t think I’m going to go that far with my reading choices, but there will definitely be a lot more non-fiction in my reading stack.

I learned so very much with this challenge. It has been rare in the last two+ years for a week to go by without me finding an opportunity to say “I just read a book about that,” even if it does result in awkward situations. There is so much out there to learn!

Plus, when you are reading non-fiction you get fewer people suggesting books for you to read that you don’t want to read that they think you’d want to read just because they see you reading.

So I’ve read a lot of books, and now I can act like I know things.

President George W. Bush in his book Decision Points says this about his experience with a reading challenge:

Nobody I know has read or absorbed more history than Karl [Rove]. I say that with confidence because I’ve tried to keep up. A few years ago, Karl and I squared off in a book reading contest. I jumped out to an early lead. Then Karl accused me of gaining an unfair advantage by selecting shorter works. From that point forward, we measured not only the number of books read, but also their page count and total lateral area. By the end of the year, my friend had dusted me in all categories* (p. 52).
*The final tally was 110 to 95 in books, 40,347 to 37,343 in pages, and 2,275,297 to 2,032,083 total square inches.

I’m thinking if people that busy can read that much, I can certainly step it up in my life. My next book challenge is to read all the books we own, starting with all the ones I haven’t read once yet.

6 Shared thoughts