Humans are social creatures. We like the support of a community. And with the internet, our supportive community does not necessarily have to live within close physical proximity. At different times I’ve participated in different on-line forums for different topics and been part of a community that way. But towards the end of last year I got really fed up with a certain aspect of some online communities and I haven’t participated since. Instead of providing support, they were annoying in their negativity, not for other people on the forum, but for people who weren’t. I really can’t stand husband bashing – online or off.
Shouldn’t the family, the marriage, be the one sure safe place in this world? It isn’t really that safe if you have to worry about what your spouse is saying about you when you aren’t there. If a woman says her husband is an idiot, think about what that means about her. Was it stupid of him to fall for her? Would someone smarter not have married her?
Yes, there are bad marriages of abuse and neglect in many forms. And in that case, get out! But the women I hear bashing their husbands never seem to be in those kinds of marriages. Their husbands aren’t mean or cruel, they’re just “idiots.” They had a moment of brain stoppage and now their wives are publishing it to all the world and holding it against them for all time, forgetting forever all the dumb things they themselves have done in their lives, things their husbands most likely are not sitting around with other guys complaining about. Or their husband didn’t read their mind and do what they wanted them to do. Husbands aren’t brain readers any more than wives are. If she wants or expects her husband to know something, like what she wants or needs or is thinking, perhaps she should try telling him.
Marriages have rough spots. But those should be worked out within the marriage, not at a gab session over scones and hot chocolate, real or virtual.
Being human, you may someday have differences of opinion resulting even in little quarrels. Neither of you will be so unfaithful to the other as to go back to your parents or friends and discuss with them your little differences. That would be gross disloyalty. Your intimate life is your own and must not be shared with or confided in others. You will not go back to your people for sympathy, but will thresh out your own difficulties.
– President Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage (1978), 25.
This post has been kind of negative. And I recognize the irony of that. So I’ll end on a positive note. Here’s some great advice “For Newlyweds and Their Parents” and everyone else who is married. My husband’s name is forever safe with me. Perhaps that’s just because he’s real awesome.