Not in despair, but in hope

2 December 2012, 3:50 pm by Giggles
Categories: Gospel

The last writer in the Book of Mormon is a man named Moroni, the son of Mormon. Mormon and Moroni were some of the last believers in Christ and over the course of a generations long war watched their entire nation, the Nephites, be destroyed.

The last words of Mormon are describing the final battle that leaves just himself, his son, and twenty-two other men, alive from the Nephite nation. Mormon gives the record we now have as the Book of Mormon to his son and Moroni tells us that his father and the other twenty-one Nephites have been killed and he is a hunted man by the opposing army.

3 And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfil the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not.

4 Therefore I will write and hide up the records in the earth; and whither I go it mattereth not.

5 Behold, my father hath made this record, and he hath written the intent thereof. And behold, I would write it also if I had room upon the plates, but I have not; and ore I have none, for I am alone. My father hath been slain in battle, and all my kinsfolk, and I have not friends nor whither to go; and how long the Lord will suffer that I may live I know not.
Mormon 8:3-5 (emphasis added)

It’s interesting hearing people try to project on to Moroni how he must have felt in this state. He is alone. There are no people he can talk to. He has watched his family and everyone he cares about be brutally killed. If he sees another human he can be guaranteed they will try to kill him. One word I have often heard for how he must have felt is “despair.” But I don’t see that. That’s the wrong word. Despair means without hope, to have given up.

Moroni had hope. The fact that he wrote Mormon 7 clear through Moroni 10 shows he had hope. A hopeless man would not expend the effort that would require.

It is not in a state of hopelessness that anyone can truly say to God and mean it “thy will be done” as Moroni does when he says that the length of his life is in the Lord’s hands, and he’s okay with that. When I’ve been in the despairs of my life (and my own despairs were bad enough for my life. I will not compare them to others and say mine, or theirs, “aren’t that bad.” I will not minimize the trials of anyone that way), the last thing I could do is turn to God with faith and hope and truthfully say “my life is in your hands.”

Yes, Moroni mourns the loss of his family and friends and his entire nation. But mourning the death of a loved one does not have to lead to despair. You can miss someone and still have hope. Sorrow at loss is not despair.

11 And the bodies of many thousands are laid low in the earth, while the bodies of many thousands are moldering in heaps upon the face of the earth; yea, and many thousands are mourning for the loss of their kindred, because they have reason to fear, according to the promises of the Lord, that they are consigned to a state of endless wo.

12 While many thousands of others truly mourn for the loss of their kindred, yet they rejoice and exult in the hope, and even know, according to the promises of the Lord, that they are raised to dwell at the right hand of God, in a state of never-ending happiness.

14 And thus we see the great call of diligence of men to labor in the vineyards of the Lord; and thus we see the great reason of sorrow, and also of rejoicing—sorrow because of death and destruction among men, and joy because of the light of Christ unto life.
Alma 28:11-12, 14 (emphasis added)

Yes, Moroni is alone. But he is not lonely. Christ said “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you” (see John 14:16-19). If you keep the commandments you do not need to be lonely when you are alone.

It is not a man devoid of hope who can finish his record, after unnumbered years of wandering without friends or family in this life, in this manner:

And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen.
Moroni 10:34

Moroni was alone. Moroni surely sorrowed at the deaths of those close to him. But Moroni had hope. He was not a man of despair. To say otherwise is to underestimate the power of hope.

7 Shared thoughts

Choosing all the things?

30 November 2012, 5:50 pm by Giggles
Categories: Life, Musings

It wasn’t through choice that I became a mum at 36. I wanted to be a young mum but things never worked out for me.
– Denise Van Outen

There are a lot of things in my life that I would not have chosen at the time. I would’ve chosen my way out of a lot of pain, physical and otherwise, if someone had offered me the choice. But would I still be me if I’d had the power to make those choices?

We are the sum of our experiences. And if I were to change those experiences I would change who I am.

Because my only choice at times was how to react I have knowledge of certain areas I wouldn’t otherwise, I have empathy for others I would not have, I have friends I would not have met, I have grown in directions that would not have otherwise been available to me.

It scares me at times to think of what my life might be like if I had been given the power to choose the actions of others or the consequences of my own actions.

3 Shared thoughts

Choosing to move on

29 November 2012, 4:59 pm by Giggles
Categories: Life, Musings

I demolish my bridges behind me – then there is no choice but forward.
– Fridtjof Nansen

This past summer we took a trip to New Mexico so I could show Brett some of my old stomping grounds. We moved every four years or so as I grew up so I have a lot of stomping grounds. We moved to New Mexico before I started fourth grade and moved away when I started eighth grade. Just four years. Four years that left quite a mark on my personality.

And it was wonderful to go back and visit. But I doubt I’d ever be interested in living there again. I’ve already done that. There are so many places to live in this world that I’d rather live someplace new than go back and repeat something old.

I’ve lived in three of the four four-corner states now and I had wanted to move to Colorado at some point. But they just made recreational pot legal there, so now I’m not so sure.

I’ve never lived in the northeast or northwest. Maybe some day we could try that.

But I like moving forward. It’s really the only direction I can go. If it ever happened that I had to live in a place for a second time, I’d have to remember that it has moved forward as well and won’t be the place I remember. Nothing stands still, and we’re foolish to try to make it do so.

5 Shared thoughts

Choosing what to read

28 November 2012, 2:08 pm by Giggles
Categories: Books

In the choice between changing ones mind and proving there’s no need to do so, most people get busy on the proof.
– John Kenneth Galbraith

I love to read. And there have been times when people find that out and decide I love to read everything. Which is not true. I have very discerning tastes.

I like books that have integrity. If the author invents a new world, the story needs to stay true to that world to the very end, even if it’s a messy end. It’s why I’ll never read another book by Michael Crichton. He can write a good beginning and middle, but then it’s like he gets tired of writing and just changes the rules so it all ends nice and neat. And that’s just sloppy writing.

My books don’t all have to be meaty. I’ll read some fluff. But I want it to be fancy fluff that’s worth the calories. I prefer a chocolate truffle to a tootsie roll for example. I don’t like books that insult my intelligence.

I’m also not a fan of redundancy. Just because you can write a 500 page book doesn’t mean you have a 500 page story. And that goes for simply retelling the same story over and over again to publish more books. Grisham is a good read once or twice, but then you start to notice that there are only two or three differences between all his books, and one of those differences is names.

On a superficial level – I like a book that will fit in my bag. I’ve read some large coffee table sized books and enjoyed them, but they are harder to get through because they are harder to stuff in a bag to read while standing in line at the customer service desk or sitting in a waiting room or on the bus.

There will always be more books to read than I have time for.

3 Shared thoughts

Choosing socks

27 November 2012, 12:28 pm by Giggles
Categories: Happy Things, Random

The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.
– John Dewey

Socks are probably my favorite accessory. Especially knee high socks. With knee-high socks I have the option of having them often be simple dress socks under slacks or jeans. Or I can wear a knee-length skirt and really show off the designs on them. I have an entire sock container (I don’t have enough drawers for a sock drawer) of patterned socks to choose from.

I wear my ladybug knee-high socks on the first day I’m teaching a class. People need to know who I am.

I have a pair of black and white large-striped knee-highs I wear on Halloween.

I have a pair of knee-high socks with different shades of blue stripes that Brett says makes me look like a munchkin. He doesn’t say the same about the ones with different shades of pink stripes though.

I have two pair that have white fake-fur cuffs on them, one with red, green, and white plaid and the other with white snowflakes on a light blue background. They are super fun to wear with flats to show off the sock design, but they are also great to wear with my black knee-high boots with the fur cuff folded over the top. Very Christmas-y.

I don’t wear patterned socks every day. But on special days or days when I know I’m going to need a little kick, they sure do come in handy (or is that footy?). 😉

3 Shared thoughts

Choosing a job

26 November 2012, 2:20 pm by Giggles
Categories: Work

When you get punched, you have to get up. You have no other choice. If you don’t, you’re not going to grow, you’re not going to get better as a player.
– Scott Brooks

After college I had to decide where to get a job (because moving home and mooching was never an option). While they say there are always jobs for teachers, there aren’t always enough jobs for the number of people looking for them where you are looking.

After a reluctant prayer (reluctant because I knew what the answer was going to be and I didn’t want it to be that), I felt I needed to get a teaching job in Utah. And they just weren’t that plentiful that year.

I checked the job postings every week and made multiple calls every week. I was not getting a full time job. Eventually I found a part-time job and then made the rest of my budget fit what I was making. I chose to work extra jobs here and there to help my budget – substituting on my days off at my school, tutoring before school, house cleaning, working at a fabric store on Saturdays.

My grandpa lived through the depression and was of the opinion that if you had a job that supported your family that was more important than if you liked your job. And at certain times there is wisdom in that. But if I knew I had to do something I hated from now till retirement, it would be very hard to be happy in my non-working life. You do better at something when you like what you are doing. There is a reason I have never considered working in telemarketing as a job. There is no way I’m made to do that work.

I have several hobbies I love that I could do for money if I wanted to. But doing them enough to make a decent income would be extremely difficult. So they remain small hobbies. I love teaching though. I love education. And that can be a stable job for me.

3 Shared thoughts

Choosing confidence

25 November 2012, 6:15 pm by Giggles
Categories: Gospel

We choose what attitudes we have right now. And it’s a continuing choice.
– John C. Maxwell

Today in our laurel class (young women ages 16-17) we talked about confidence, how to get it, the importance of it, what kind to get, and how it’s different from self-esteem.

One of my favorite scriptures is:

Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith,
and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly;
then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;
and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
Doctrine & Covenants 121:45

Last month we talked about what it means to garnish your thoughts. Today we talked more about how virtue does that and how that results in confidence in the presence of God.

When the world talks about self-esteem they talk about the value you have based on those around you, based on how you compare to them and what you can offer them.

But that’s not the type of confidence this scripture talks about. This confidence is not based on how you compare to the world, but how God sees you. God sees you for who you really are, his child. He knows you. He loves you. He knows what you are capable of. And he wants nothing more than to see you succeed.

We all have weaknesses that can make us feel like we are inferior at times, but we are here to overcome them, to turn them into strengths. Not to say “this is just who I am and everyone has to accept it.”

When a man makes war on his own weaknesses he engages in the holiest war that mortals ever wage. The reward that comes from victory in this struggle is the most enduring, most satisfying, and the most exquisite that man ever experiences
– Bryant S. Hinckley, That Ye Might Have Joy [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1958], p. 83

In the October 2010 General Conference, Elder Scott gave a talk about how acting on our faith in the Lord builds our character and strengthens our testimony. That strong character and testimony are the virtue that guards are thoughts and allows us to stand with confidence, knowing who we are and our true worth, in the presence of God.

A strong testimony gives peace, comfort, and assurance. It generates the conviction that as the teachings of the Savior are consistently obeyed, life will be beautiful, the future will be secure, and there will be capacity to overcome the challenges that cross our path.
– Elder Scott, “The Transforming Power of Faith and Character,” General Conference, October 2010

This world is nice and all, but I choose to let God define my worth. I choose that kind of confidence. And I choose to put in the work required to gain it.

3 Shared thoughts